I’ve been starting to feel a bit weighed down lately. It’s a combination of factors, really. Work, (especially lately) has been getting me down, and although I’m currently on break from uni, it’s definitely another contributing factor. I suppose another part of it is my lack of direction. I really don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing anymore, and I’m the kind of person that needs to know these things. I feel lost and scared without some kind of sense of purpose.
Another big one is that fact that I feel disconnected from my best friend and partner. Since he started working at a fine dining restaurant, it seems that I barely see him, and when I do it’s usually late at night, after our shifts are over. We’re both grumpy and irritable, or – even worse – we can’t think of anything to talk about other than work.
I guess all things these have compounded, and at the moment I’m living in a state of constant exhaustion and irritability.
When I’m unhappy, I turn to food and mind-numbing activities like computer games and random internet surfing. And that pretty much sums up the last four weeks of my life.
And boy, am I sick of it! I feel sluggish and heavy and unhealthy. I’ve stopped going to the gym. I’ve started driving to the bus stop. I’ve barely cooked a thing all month, and whatever I have cooked has been deep fried and soaked in sugar. I’ve started eating packet food. Chips and m&ms, licorice, chocolate, jelly beans...you name it. Things that I don’t even like. Things that are processed and bad for me, and only make me feel sick and guilty after eating them.
But I’m holding an intervention. I’m sick of feeling this way, so I’m not going to anymore. Simple as that. There’s not much I can do about uni at this stage – certainly, I can’t do anything until I work out what I actually want to do, and I feel awful for even thinking about quitting my job when we’ve just lost two staff members and haven’t replaced them yet – besides, I’m hoping it’ll get better when the Boss gets back and I can go back to minimal responsibility. BUT. I’m taking charge when it comes to my eating and exercise. I’ve even set myself some goals for July-August.
Here they are:
1. Attend one spin class per week.
2. Attend one pump class per week.
3. A work out of my choice at the gym, every week with the aim of challenging myself.
4. Do an active activity with the boyfriend every week.
5. NO MORE PACKET FOOD.
6. Drink two litres of water every day (I used to do this as a minimum...I don’t know what happened!)
7. Start running in the morning – 1 or 2 days a week.
Now. I’ve written them down and this makes me accountable. AWESOME. Let’s do it.
P.s. As I sat writing this post...I realised something I’d really like to do. Graphic design. That would be awesome. And creative. And portable. And...awesome. So. I’ll let myself think about it for a bit and then...then what? I still don’t know.